Mow The Brush Boy

BAM! It just popped into my head, and I knew the answer. The realization of what I had discovered dawned on me with such force that I nearly fell over. I felt my knees start to buckle as my body was wafted over by a wave of complacency.

Now, now. Relax over there. Move your eyes farther away from the screen. You’ll burn out your retinas by being so close. Also…sit up straight, hunchback.  I know what you all want to know. WHAT DID I DISCOVER!?!? It will come in time, but in order for you to really understand you have to let me talk.

I was walking through the woods the other day…

I came upon a tree stump. I have this weird hobby of counting the rings in tree stumps. It lets you know how long the tree had lived before something had brought it down. I noticed that as the tree got older, its rings started to get smaller and smaller, more tightly packed and not as dark as the inner rings.

-A rustling in the woods to my left-

I turned just in time to see a family of deer trot cautiously by within 5 feet. At this point I’m not sure if they even saw me or not. Now everyone says that deer are docile and cute and lovely. This is not true. They’re just scared. of everything.

Fun fact everyone, when animals are scared they do one of two things. They either run, or they fight.

These deer must have been frightened once they saw me. I made eye contact with the deer who must have been the leader.

Everything around me froze, all I could feel was my heart beating. I was confused. What do I do, they’re all just staring at me.

So I got up, turned my back to them and started walking away slowly. Phew, close one. Too close actually.

As I was walking away I began to realize that the rustling I was hearing wasn’t actually coming from under my feet, but from an undetermined point somewhere behind me to the right. It was the deer family. They were following me. I ran. I ran like hell. I ran so fast that these deer kept up with me easily. They were actually just walking and keeping up. When they started to close the gap in on me I got nervous.

I was being pushed deeper and deeper into the woods, I had never gone this far in before, it seemed foreign and strange. Light barely broke through the thick overhead of branches and vines. I was in the dark. Literally and figuratively. I had no idea what to do. I reached a point where I could no longer walk. I was trapped and these cute, lovable, EVIL, deer were moving in for what I assumed was going to be a beatdown. I needed an idea, a plan of action. How was I going to get out pain free?

BAM! It just popped into my head, and I knew the answer. The realization of what I had discovered dawned on me with such force that I nearly fell over. I felt my mind go at ease as my body was wafted over by a wave of complacency.

I woke up.

I’m so bored right now, I’m sitting in my class in Providence, trying so hard to not fall asleep. My professor is trying to connect his computer to the projector. He’s been attempting this feat for 20 minutes now. I’m actually enjoying watching him try to figure it out.

He just left to go get someone to help him. All he has to do is turn on the projector, just press one little button…

I should have told him, but this is so much more entertaining! ^^

Go donate blood. It makes you feel good about yourself and you save lives!

Plus you can save alcohol and drink a few beers and get drunk! LESS BLOOD = HIGHER BLOOD ALCOHOL LEVEL!

<3 but seriously, donate blood. It doesn’t hurt.

I’m sitting in bed right now, awaiting the moment my eyes close and i cease to remember the rest of my night (ya know, sleep)

I figured, since I couldn’t really fall asleep I’d write a little something something. Do you ever feel like an old wise man? Full of wisdom and insight? I feel like that a lot, and I’ve begun to realize that that feeling is a false one. I have no wisdom, I’m 21 years old! What do I know about the workings of the world? If I were to place myself on the scale of human society and human interactions I would be miniscule and unimportant. That’s the final truth of it, for the most part, one human life is insignificant in the grand scale of things…

The grand scale of things being the scale of humanity. Humanity, the all important concept that all of us have. The idea that we are of some importance in this universe. I think its a bunch of bologna… Meh

At least bologna tastes good!

MTBB.

It is Friday night, my friends! Are you enjoying yourself? I took a minute to sneak away from the festivities at my house and write somethin. I haven’t posted in forever, and I know I always say I’m gonna post and never follow through, well that ISN’T gonna change!

Sporadic, off track, and unfocused posts are where its at, and what I’m good at! So yeah…

Guys, this semester is so awesome! I have so many papers to write and so few exams. JUST HOW I WANT IT!

Well I’m gonna go have some more alcohol and binge drink an whatnot.

Have a g’night <3

MTBB.

I just woke up from the most uncomfortable position ever. I was sleeping at a desk in the library and my left thumb was somehow wedged between my body and the desk, against the edge. I woke up to a purple throbbing thumb! ITS PURPLE STILL! Hehehehe it feels kinda cool. but it most definitely sucks.

So other than my purple thumb I’m bored and hungry! I could use some type of entertainment to take my mind off of it. Instead I think I’ll go to my stupid class that I hate and probably fall asleep there too. >=)

So whats new with you guys?

To the random girl riding her bike on the quad…

Your smile is still stuck in my head! I wish you fell off your bike in front of me so I coulda gotten to talk to you! Oh well =(

Life could not be more copacetic for me right now! I am super happy and stuff! I wanna post but my happiness is getting in the way. I’ll post tomorrow when I’m less happy! LAWLYLAWLY!

I fucking LOVE you guys. Whoever you guys are. The people who actually read my shit. I love you so much =)

<3 Cut the grass

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAH!

Guys, sometimes I don’t understand life. Actually its more like I never understand life. I don’t understand why we worry so much about anything, when at any second the Earth could blow up, get sucked into a black hole, to put it short, END.

I get sad a lot. I get sad for nothing. I get sad because its something, and something is always better than nothing. Lately I’ve been getting sad because I’m not especially happy with the way things are going for myself. I would say I’d like to be more active of a person, see more people, make more friends, go more places, DO more things. For some reason I just don’t. Do you ever have those moments where it becomes extremely clear to yourself that you must do something, whatever it may be. So you give yourself a nice pep talk, tell yourself how you’ll accomplish whatever goal you set for yourself. Then you think about how awesome everything will be as soon as that goal is accomplished.

Well when I do that, I barely ever stick to what I had originally thought of doing. It just sits as a nagging thought. Its annoying. I’m going to bed.

<3

Ya know that feeling you get that someone is standing behind you? They could be reading over your shoulder or whatever, well lately I’ve been getting that feeling super strong…the thing is that no one is ever behind me! Am I haunted? Do I have a ghost? Or is something else going on in my body? What is that feeling classified as anyways? It definitely exists, its like being able to tell that eyes are on you. We just can feel it. Can you feel it?

This one could get a bit long. Just a heads up.

I’ve been going through a much needed, much anticipated, self-reflecting, inner voice ignoring change. That pesky inner voice constantly telling me that I’m fine and that nothing needs to change, its wrong! In my opinion, one of the most important things in life is the realization that everything changes with time. People, things, ideas, values are all susceptible to it. Its natural for change to occur, its something that should be welcomed with open arms and not ignored. Personal change can be brought about by a bunch of different factors. Whether these changes are due to something good or bad isn’t our own choice. Shit happens, we must deal with it in whatever ways we can (through change!).

Personal change is a scary concept, being content with oneself is a wonderful feeling, and dealing with changes isn’t usually fun. Sometimes people change without even realizing that they’ve changed. You’ve changed. Don’t doubt it. I know if I were to meet myself from a year ago, we wouldn’t get along too well. Its obviously not this way with everyone, you could love your past self more than your current self.

So now that I’ve gotten that thought out there, I’d like to discuss my process of self-reflection, leading to my personal change. I don’t plan on going into details about WHY I want to have a personal change because its not relevant to you guys. If you really want to understand why, I suppose you can ask me, but I’m not putting it out here.

MY process of Self-Reflection!

Keep in mind that everyone is different and that this may not make sense to you. Its just how my mind is set up, trust me, I most likely wouldn’t understand how yours works.

So twice a year, on a Sunday (before football starts, if its a football Sunday) I get up extremely early and shower and eat something. Ya know, the usual routine, food, shower, brush teeth, wash face. All that junk. I then lock my door put on headphones and put on classical music, the mellower the better. Meditation is next. Laying down on my bed I put myself into as comfortable of a position as I can (usually on my back, arms by my side). First step is to close my eyes, and breath in deep through my nose, and out through my mouth. (You can breath however you want, this is just what works for me) I then work my way up my body, tightening every muscle for a second and then relaxing it.

I envision myself walking in a large, open field, this is my dream field. I’ve built it to represent exactly what my perfect environment would be. The field itself is probably 15 sq. acres of open, slightly hilly land. Its about 75 degrees out and the sun is shining, the grass is green with slightly more than a hint of gray, and you can hear it rustle when the wind blows. The surrounding trees are spaced out evenly, each about 15 ft apart. They have fat, purple leaves. Beyond the trees are gorgeous mountains with white caps. I’ve never explored past the trees (I’m kind of scared to). In the center of my field is my work station, its an old school computer, with the word “juxtapose” etched across the top of the screen in cursive. The keyboard is blank, there are no letters. My mouse is made of glass and has a color changing mist inside of it, depending on my mood it changes color.

I walk over to my computer and sit at my comfy ass lime green bean bag chair. The computer represents my mind. My memories, thoughts, ideas, preferences, etc. I then spend the next couple of hours (hours!) organizing my files and documents (thoughts, ideas, memories, etc.) re-exploring some old ones that I had forgotten about, deleting ones that I don’t need anymore, contemplating each and every single one that I read, and how it affected/affects me.

Upon waking up from my meditation sleep I always feel amazing, quicker thinking, happier, generally better. This is how I go about performing personal changes. Is it weird? I’ve never really put much thought into it, its just something I’ve been doing for a long time. Even if it is weird, I won’t stop doing it. Wanna know why? I LIKE DOING IT.

Some might say that this isn’t how change should happen. We should not force change. Why not? We’ve been doing it for a long time. If I don’t like a certain aspect of how I work, and I can see that a change would be helpful. I’m going to do it.

Yup, I’m done. <3 Hope you enjoyed reading! I know I liked writing this one a bunch.

As always, never, ever forget..

Mow that god damn brush boy.

P.S. OH YEAH! I forgot to say something. My field grass gets unruly sometimes. I tend to make quick visits to my field and MOW it. Gets rid of all those messy thoughts. Hence the name.

This day, my dear friends, has lasted a very long time. Which is awesome because I don’t wanna think about going to class tomorrow. Its not like I have that hard of a day, I just don’t wanna be at school. I’m in the process of playing The Elder Scrolls: Skyrim. It looks beautiful and stuff and it might take away from my social life for a little while (which I’m perfectly OK with xD)

You ever get in one of those moods where you just want to completely re organize everything and make a bunch of lists? I’m in one of those moods. They’re fun for a little while, until I realize that all I’m doing is making lists and not accomplishing anything I set out to accomplish. Then by the time I’m done with my lists I’m too tired/ lazy again and don’t wanna actually start my list.

I made 7 lists today. SEVEN LISTS! Guess how much stuff I’ve checked off of them. I’ll help you out…NONE! I don’t feel like writing anymore. I’m bored.

.YOB HSURB EHT WOM

This is the introduction. This is expanding on my introduction.This is the main points I will cover. This is my thesis sentence.

This is my discussion of point one. This is fact one. This is an explanation of fact one. This is fact two. This is an explanation of fact two. This is fact three. This is an explanation of fact three. This is my transition sentence.

This is my discussion of point two. This is fact four. This is an explanation of fact four. This is fact five. This is an explanation of fact five. This is fact six. This is an explanation of fact six. This is my transition sentence

This is my discussion of point three. This is fact seven. This is an explanation of fact seven. This is fact eight. This is an explanation of fact eight. These are facts nine and ten. This is an explanation of facts nine and ten.

This is the conclusion.

MTBB.

This is my boredom.

Sometimes I can’t think of anything to write about.

Sometimes my brain just can’t comprehend writing stuff down.

Sometimes I can just sit here and write and write and write.

Sometimes it takes me a long time to figure out what to write.

Sometimes I start to write, get bored and stop writing.

Sometimes I use the word “sometimes” in a lot of sentences in a row.

Sometimes I think about what it would be like to have grown up on the complete opposite side of the world.

Sometimes I get scared of that idea, I wouldn’t know any of the awesome people I know now.

Sometimes I just don’t give a flying fuck, or a walking one for that matter.

Sometimes I do.

Sometimes I drink coffee in the morning.

Sometimes coffee tastes gross in the morning so I don’t drink it.

Sometimes something happens…maybe.

Sometimes when you write/read a word a lot of times it loses its meaning to you and becomes a silly word.

Sometimes I forget what the word “sometimes” means, but that only happens sometimes.

Sometimes I start and end a sentence with the word “sometimes”.

Sometimes I do it twice in a row.

Most of the time I don’t though. =O!

MTBB.

So, yeah. I suck! I haven’t written in this Tumblr account in such a long time. I’m not gonna make up some stupid excuse about why I haven’t either. I simply just haven’t. I can also say that I’m gonna try to change that and write here more often. We all know that that would be a lie though. Well, maybe you don’t know that, but I do!

So I figured I’d return to Tumblr with a list of random thoughts. Because its fun.

HERE IT IS!

Have you ever thought about what a chair would look like if human knees bent the other way? Because I was thinking about that the other day and I can’t seem to come up with a good design.

I find it ironic that in life we strive to be successful, to be remembered in history. This of course is ridiculous. All things fade with time. I am no exception to striving for that goal. I just want one thing in my life to be remembered. At least one. It is this fallacy of remembrance that disturbs me every morning when I wake. Every single thing we know today will eventually be nothing. Not even a memory, or a myth. It will cease to exist! Which is just terrible to think about. If our world ends somehow,  we are gone, just a blip in the timeline of the universe.

I’m not sure about the existence of God, but I wanna know… If he existed, and he sneezed. What would you say to him? “God bless you.”? “Bless yourself” I just don’t understand. o.O

I suppose thats it for now. I’ll try to post again soon possibly, maybe, who knows. I’ll tell you who doesn’t know…ME

As long as you guys don’t forget to MTBB. I don’t really care.

Love you <3

If you read that I bet the word “over” sounds funny!

I love surrounding myself with intelligent people =) it makes me feel better about myself. I LOVE YOU, INTELLIGENT FRIENDS <3

Jesus, what an odd assortment of things running through my skull today. I really really miss these days. Mental freedom comes very rarely to me, so when I get it. FUCK YEAH GOOD DAY!

I’ve always felt a need to place myself inside a protective bubble. Ya know, to keep all the negative stuff away from myself. I’ve began to realize that my bubble is as ineffective as it is effective. It works in keeping stuff from getting to me, outside sources of pain, anger, resentment, distorted self images/ world views, etc. It doesn’t work in the sense that it will not let me get rid of the inner sources. My own mental thought process, my doubts, and my desires, all stay within this bubble, and I can’t find a way to get it out of myself. To push through my bubble.

I’ve always had a problem with explaining things to people. I may be able to tell you I’m upset, but when you ask me why, I can’t answer. Its not that I just don’t want to, its this bubble, it sends everything back down. I literally can’t even get the words out of my mouth. I think I have a problem with opening myself up to people, I have been attempting to change that. To just be open with my closest friends, speak my mind as much as I can.

I need to pop this fuckin bubble! Anyone got a big ass mental needle?

MTBB. <3

Screw hesitating and not doing what you really want to do. Its time to stand up for what you believe in and let the world know your opinions about whatever it is you have an opinion about.

I’ve had enough of sitting back and letting little things build up inside of me until I snap and decimate a small country with my sudden, uncontrolled outburst of anger. I promise that from now on I will use my voice whenever I deem it necessary. No longer will that stupid, pesky, unsure voice inside my head control the things I do. Will you join me? Show no fear to the you inside of you! Tell your voice you love it, but it really needs to shut the fuck up sometimes.

Shut the fuck up inner me. Thanks <3 I still love you.

Take risks, you only live once. Take a look at yourself from a different persons perspective… would you want to hang around with you? Or are you boring? Be spontaneous, hug a tree, tell someone they’re beautiful, punch a baby (mentally, of course)

I just think I need to step out of my comfort zone, figured I’d share that with you guys. Maybe you do to =) maybe not.

MTBB my little beasties!

Long time, no post. Trent Reznor is giving me a hardcore eargasm right now…

anywhooo!

I have been without electricity and internet since that stupid hurricane decided to tour the East Coast. I thought that I would be utterly bored out of my mind from the lack of computer/tv/ whatever else wasn’t around 100 years ago. Suprisingly though, I was perfectly content. I read a couple books and rediscovered my love for Magic: The Gathering, yeah, that’s right. That nerdy card game your creepy uncle plays with all his friends in his “Man Lair” in the basement of your grandmothers house. You know what I’m talking about.

I don’t really feel like using the internet anymore to be honest. Not for today anyways. I think I’m gonna go run and then practice my unicycle.

FUCK YES I HAVE A UNICYCLE.

MTBB.