I’m so bored right now, I’m sitting in my class in Providence, trying so hard to not fall asleep. My professor is trying to connect his computer to the projector. He’s been attempting this feat for 20 minutes now. I’m actually enjoying watching him try to figure it out.

He just left to go get someone to help him. All he has to do is turn on the projector, just press one little button…

I should have told him, but this is so much more entertaining! ^^

Go donate blood. It makes you feel good about yourself and you save lives!

Plus you can save alcohol and drink a few beers and get drunk! LESS BLOOD = HIGHER BLOOD ALCOHOL LEVEL!

<3 but seriously, donate blood. It doesn’t hurt.

I’m sitting in bed right now, awaiting the moment my eyes close and i cease to remember the rest of my night (ya know, sleep)

I figured, since I couldn’t really fall asleep I’d write a little something something. Do you ever feel like an old wise man? Full of wisdom and insight? I feel like that a lot, and I’ve begun to realize that that feeling is a false one. I have no wisdom, I’m 21 years old! What do I know about the workings of the world? If I were to place myself on the scale of human society and human interactions I would be miniscule and unimportant. That’s the final truth of it, for the most part, one human life is insignificant in the grand scale of things…

The grand scale of things being the scale of humanity. Humanity, the all important concept that all of us have. The idea that we are of some importance in this universe. I think its a bunch of bologna… Meh

At least bologna tastes good!

MTBB.

It is Friday night, my friends! Are you enjoying yourself? I took a minute to sneak away from the festivities at my house and write somethin. I haven’t posted in forever, and I know I always say I’m gonna post and never follow through, well that ISN’T gonna change!

Sporadic, off track, and unfocused posts are where its at, and what I’m good at! So yeah…

Guys, this semester is so awesome! I have so many papers to write and so few exams. JUST HOW I WANT IT!

Well I’m gonna go have some more alcohol and binge drink an whatnot.

Have a g’night <3

MTBB.

I just woke up from the most uncomfortable position ever. I was sleeping at a desk in the library and my left thumb was somehow wedged between my body and the desk, against the edge. I woke up to a purple throbbing thumb! ITS PURPLE STILL! Hehehehe it feels kinda cool. but it most definitely sucks.

So other than my purple thumb I’m bored and hungry! I could use some type of entertainment to take my mind off of it. Instead I think I’ll go to my stupid class that I hate and probably fall asleep there too. >=)

So whats new with you guys?

To the random girl riding her bike on the quad…

Your smile is still stuck in my head! I wish you fell off your bike in front of me so I coulda gotten to talk to you! Oh well =(

Life could not be more copacetic for me right now! I am super happy and stuff! I wanna post but my happiness is getting in the way. I’ll post tomorrow when I’m less happy! LAWLYLAWLY!

I fucking LOVE you guys. Whoever you guys are. The people who actually read my shit. I love you so much =)

<3 Cut the grass

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAH!

Guys, sometimes I don’t understand life. Actually its more like I never understand life. I don’t understand why we worry so much about anything, when at any second the Earth could blow up, get sucked into a black hole, to put it short, END.

I get sad a lot. I get sad for nothing. I get sad because its something, and something is always better than nothing. Lately I’ve been getting sad because I’m not especially happy with the way things are going for myself. I would say I’d like to be more active of a person, see more people, make more friends, go more places, DO more things. For some reason I just don’t. Do you ever have those moments where it becomes extremely clear to yourself that you must do something, whatever it may be. So you give yourself a nice pep talk, tell yourself how you’ll accomplish whatever goal you set for yourself. Then you think about how awesome everything will be as soon as that goal is accomplished.

Well when I do that, I barely ever stick to what I had originally thought of doing. It just sits as a nagging thought. Its annoying. I’m going to bed.

<3

Ya know that feeling you get that someone is standing behind you? They could be reading over your shoulder or whatever, well lately I’ve been getting that feeling super strong…the thing is that no one is ever behind me! Am I haunted? Do I have a ghost? Or is something else going on in my body? What is that feeling classified as anyways? It definitely exists, its like being able to tell that eyes are on you. We just can feel it. Can you feel it?

This one could get a bit long. Just a heads up.

I’ve been going through a much needed, much anticipated, self-reflecting, inner voice ignoring change. That pesky inner voice constantly telling me that I’m fine and that nothing needs to change, its wrong! In my opinion, one of the most important things in life is the realization that everything changes with time. People, things, ideas, values are all susceptible to it. Its natural for change to occur, its something that should be welcomed with open arms and not ignored. Personal change can be brought about by a bunch of different factors. Whether these changes are due to something good or bad isn’t our own choice. Shit happens, we must deal with it in whatever ways we can (through change!).

Personal change is a scary concept, being content with oneself is a wonderful feeling, and dealing with changes isn’t usually fun. Sometimes people change without even realizing that they’ve changed. You’ve changed. Don’t doubt it. I know if I were to meet myself from a year ago, we wouldn’t get along too well. Its obviously not this way with everyone, you could love your past self more than your current self.

So now that I’ve gotten that thought out there, I’d like to discuss my process of self-reflection, leading to my personal change. I don’t plan on going into details about WHY I want to have a personal change because its not relevant to you guys. If you really want to understand why, I suppose you can ask me, but I’m not putting it out here.

MY process of Self-Reflection!

Keep in mind that everyone is different and that this may not make sense to you. Its just how my mind is set up, trust me, I most likely wouldn’t understand how yours works.

So twice a year, on a Sunday (before football starts, if its a football Sunday) I get up extremely early and shower and eat something. Ya know, the usual routine, food, shower, brush teeth, wash face. All that junk. I then lock my door put on headphones and put on classical music, the mellower the better. Meditation is next. Laying down on my bed I put myself into as comfortable of a position as I can (usually on my back, arms by my side). First step is to close my eyes, and breath in deep through my nose, and out through my mouth. (You can breath however you want, this is just what works for me) I then work my way up my body, tightening every muscle for a second and then relaxing it.

I envision myself walking in a large, open field, this is my dream field. I’ve built it to represent exactly what my perfect environment would be. The field itself is probably 15 sq. acres of open, slightly hilly land. Its about 75 degrees out and the sun is shining, the grass is green with slightly more than a hint of gray, and you can hear it rustle when the wind blows. The surrounding trees are spaced out evenly, each about 15 ft apart. They have fat, purple leaves. Beyond the trees are gorgeous mountains with white caps. I’ve never explored past the trees (I’m kind of scared to). In the center of my field is my work station, its an old school computer, with the word “juxtapose” etched across the top of the screen in cursive. The keyboard is blank, there are no letters. My mouse is made of glass and has a color changing mist inside of it, depending on my mood it changes color.

I walk over to my computer and sit at my comfy ass lime green bean bag chair. The computer represents my mind. My memories, thoughts, ideas, preferences, etc. I then spend the next couple of hours (hours!) organizing my files and documents (thoughts, ideas, memories, etc.) re-exploring some old ones that I had forgotten about, deleting ones that I don’t need anymore, contemplating each and every single one that I read, and how it affected/affects me.

Upon waking up from my meditation sleep I always feel amazing, quicker thinking, happier, generally better. This is how I go about performing personal changes. Is it weird? I’ve never really put much thought into it, its just something I’ve been doing for a long time. Even if it is weird, I won’t stop doing it. Wanna know why? I LIKE DOING IT.

Some might say that this isn’t how change should happen. We should not force change. Why not? We’ve been doing it for a long time. If I don’t like a certain aspect of how I work, and I can see that a change would be helpful. I’m going to do it.

Yup, I’m done. <3 Hope you enjoyed reading! I know I liked writing this one a bunch.

As always, never, ever forget..

Mow that god damn brush boy.

P.S. OH YEAH! I forgot to say something. My field grass gets unruly sometimes. I tend to make quick visits to my field and MOW it. Gets rid of all those messy thoughts. Hence the name.